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Sunday, May 10, 2015

Mama’s Little Whore


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tears
I’m a mess Bobby. I know I’m a little rough on the edges, but that can’t be fixed. Sometimes I drink too much and when I get high, I explode like dynamite. God don’t want any of this mess, Bobby. But of course you knew that before we started our thing. Don’t try to change that now. I told you I can love you till you forget all your senses. You know I’m not like one of them other girls you’ve had before. My shit don’t smell. But it’s easy for you to say we should stop but it’s not all that easy for me. You gotta understand; I’m good for nothing; at least that’s what my mother said. See, I’ve been through hell and I plan on staying there. There’s no saving left anywhere for me.
You got me started on this stuff four years ago. I was just that messed up teen that ran away from home because mama didn’t want me. I was just a mistake. She was too damn smart to make a mistake. So what if that condom broke that one night while she was getting on with business? Now I have no last name, shit; I barely have a name.





She called me charity. Who the hell names their baby girl charity? She almost turned me into one of those fucking charity foundations. Wasn’t I pretty enough for an Anna or an Emma? That ghetto ass name she gave me determined the way my life was gonna be from the first day she served me her STD infected breast milk. I just had a good system; that’s the only thing that kept me clean from all her dirt.  I never asked to see daddy. I don’t know how he looks, how he smiles, what sort of man he is and what his favorite food is. But damn, since when did I start caring about shit like that?
tears
You see Bobby; this is your entire fault. You gave me that stuff and now I can’t stop taking it. It’s made me feel too good to be real. I can’t keep explaining myself to the man who pimped my ass when I was sixteen. You just wouldn’t understand. I’ve seen my mother do five rounds on five different men in one day so I know that I sure as hell can take it. I’ll double up on that birth control pill. Nothing will ruin business. I’m good for the company. You know these new NBA and Football players want me.




I’m not Mia, her shits already whack. Boobs falling already, girl can barely get them boys hard these days. How long have you had her for? Ten years? Well damn, she’s a little too old to still be in this game. How else do you want me to convince you that I’m all you will ever need Bobby? The things we did at your house the other day wasn’t enough? I swear it; I wasn’t the one who called the police that you had a minor in your bed. I never ever stole from you Bobby. I kept my shit clean, trimmed and popping for you. What you say, let’s show the world that freak you created?
You know with me on the menu you’ll be counting thirty-five grand everything week. No lie, I got it like that. Seen too many of them movies. Not that I need it. I had the best training right in my mama’s kitchen. Yep, she used to get down like that; bringing all those men into our place like ants on freaking steroids.
Bobby, my mother isn’t all that bad. She’s worse but forget all I’ve said and listen to this legit stuff. Mr. Thomas with the Range Rover turned over and asked mama for me one night. She asked him how much he was gonna pay. Thomas who was so damn rich kept throwing out numbers and my mama’s head fucking exploded. God, you should have seen how fast she jumped to the offer.
She came to my room to prep me up for my big premiere. She put makeup on my face for the first time and allowed Mr. Thomas in. I saw her bit her lips when Thomas first kissed me. For the first time, my mother cried. God, I wanted Thomas to continue so I can feel wanted by mom. My heart bled as my body responded uncontrollably to everything he did while mama watched. When he took out his stuff, I panicked. Bobby, no sweat, I’ve since bigger now. But that night, I called out to her and she said to me, “baby hang in there. It’ll be over soon,” and so I did.




But mama couldn’t bear it any longer. She begged Thomas to stop and when he wouldn’t listen, she pulled out her gun. I didn’t know she had one. She told him she’d shoot if he didn’t stop but he thought she was playing so he came at her.
I saw mama take a blow for me. She fought till her knees get out. And then the gun shot. I can still hear it. Like music, I only dance to it now. All I see now is Thomas rushing out the door as I ran to my mother who was bleeding away. For the first time since I was born, she told me she loved me…
I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t stop time Bobby. So you see; I can’t stop now. She died and that’s what I can do for you. I can take a bullet for you. I’m not crazy. I’m far from that. I guess you can say I’m just a girl who doesn’t know who she is but I know one thing: you’re the man who’s about to make my dreams come through.
Please consider,
sincerely,

Charity

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